 Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys    of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to    be falling off their hips. Please dont take this as an insult,    but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want    to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this    compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing    and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However,    In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off    during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my    electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place    around your waist.  