 The quintuplets  high school team, the Coogars, holds auditions. As always Parker aces his athletic star spot, Pearce gets to be the team mascot, but Paige is a wreck: stinking at cheer-leading isn t good enough to become a Cougerette just because she looks good! At first dad Bob feels a bit sick when he hears her spot has been taken by his youngest Patton, who simply wouldn t just roll over when failing team selection -as the shortest player ever that was always a long shot- but seconds ex-cheer-leading mother Carol s enthusiasm when he learns there are even scholarships for superior cheerleaders. Parker doesn t have the heart to tell his baby-brother his real motivation, hot Haley, never even looks at a non-jock, but to Parker s surprise she does notice who holds her up with her firm thighs firmly pressed against his neck. Unfortunately, and even pushy Patton can only tell dad so after throwing ma out, there s a biological way to tell he notices her noticing him: his pole promptly stands to attention because of chick attention! Dad dreads putting it to words, but does his duty: if nothing else helps, don t look like a jerk but jerk off. The technique works, and even makes Haley pay him more attention then his studly big brother who generously stands by, but only if applied timely, which proves painfully difficult, so when the gents are closed for janitor jobs, finding the little monkey in his locker to spank his monkey doesn t exactly do wonders for poor perplex Parker s performance either, and then there still is the human pyramid, with the lightweight dwarf on top ...