 Dad Bob won a cell phone at work; the kids all want one since ages, but ma insists on the hated rule: when something can t benefit all five, none get it; Parker presses the point that only denies all of them all kinds of things, so pa tries an alternative: a week-long contest who scores most points by doing chores. Parker turns the idea down as degrading, but the others are too eager: Patton needs it to get girls, preselected on shaky boyfriend-relationships, on the rebound; Paige craves anything to yap and all her friends have on-she even carries a fake to save face; Penny just wants to prevent Paige getting one; Pierce claims it would save from isolation his Mongolian Internet-pen pall and his entire village. Pa abuses his judging power to turn the kids into abject slaves, to ma s disgust, although she enjoys the spare time to takes a course- erotic pole dancing! After his week of bliss at the quints  expense, pa hopes to prolong his heaven and their hell by calling a four-way tie, but now they all turn to Parker, who inspires a total chores-strike until they all get cell phones, and it really hurts. Now the parents try every trick to divide them, pretending Patton or Pierce made a private deal with them, and when that fails tell Parker he can decide who gets the only phone...